I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
