we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
