I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
