Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
