i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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