If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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