i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
