why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
