My brain says no but my pants say off.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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