I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
