piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
