god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
