I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
