Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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