my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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