I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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