I look better un-naked...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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