So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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