When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
