There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
