...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
