started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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