you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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