Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
