Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
