she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
