Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
