I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
