I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
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Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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