Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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