she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
