my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
