he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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