And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
