Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
