to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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