dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
