You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
