the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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