and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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