dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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