Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
