I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
