i need an iv and a liver transplant
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
