Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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