I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Randomize
