when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
