Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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