It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
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the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
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My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize