well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
