I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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