so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
