proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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