I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
