The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
