So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
