ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize