He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
