Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
