how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
