Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
