everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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