I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
