Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
where am i from again
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
